i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
