she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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