just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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