I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
