ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
