Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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