My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
