I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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