My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
