you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i out mim tonsoeep
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