put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
