apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
