R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
