so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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