haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
