He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
