Can i not drive my cunt home
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
