I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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