she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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