the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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