I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
