i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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