Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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