i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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