it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
