i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
