There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
