I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
