They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
