I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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