last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
