Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
