i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
