the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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