think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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