I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
