hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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