You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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