I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
