We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
