You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
