You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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