I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
