Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
whose parrot is this?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
