Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
