Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
