Dual....:-)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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