I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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