Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
