Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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