I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
