VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
