At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
