I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
