sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
