I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
