please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
