i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
