Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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