Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
