so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
