Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
