Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
