You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
