hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
