i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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