Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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