You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
