**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
