so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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