I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
