I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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