where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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