I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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