I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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