Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
