I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
